I’ve been thinking of writing a blog once again. I had this started way back 2016 or 17, I think? But I wasn’t able to continue writing due to, well, uh, you know, life events that happened along the years which I’d like to share with you here on my blog and vlog. I love writing, as some of you may know. It’s just really one of my best ways to express my feelings and thoughts freely or in a creative way.
So, today.. I actually don’t know which I woud like to share with you, but I guess, I’d figured, it would be again about my Mental Health.
Again, as some of you may know, I’m a Mental Health Advocate. I want to spread Awareness – that, you know, mental illnesses are real and it’s not just some kind of a joke or something to be laughed at, and that proper treatment should be met.
Anyway, Lately, I’ve been noticing something different again in the way I am and the way my brain is functioning. I am so bothered about the past events that happened in my life recently. Last year isn’t recent, is it? Haha! Anyway, I know that it’s been a year and the past events still keeps on haunting me each day and night. I tell you, I couldn’t get over it. I don’t know if this is still something normal to me as I am still moving on though from a heartbreak.
However, is’t normal to have flashbacks and have panic attacks? Is’t normal to be in places you’ve been to (and try to avoid it as much as possible) and have panic attacks and be nauseous? Is’t normal to not be able to sleep at night due to those past memories that it feels like your mind is torturing you? That it just keeps coming back to remembrance until your head hurts? is’t normal to have nightmares related with them? Is’t normal to feel as if you are there again in that situation, in that scenario? Also, I constantly feel scared for.. I don’t know. Hurting? Sighs. I don’t know. Honestly, I was really traumatized from the past events last year.
Like, right now, this is what all I am experiencing. I don’t want to remember those bad memories anymore as it isn’t helpful for me, right? And besides, past is past, right? I should move ahead and focus here in the present. But I tell you, I couldn’t. I just.. couldn’t. The memories just keeps haunting me and just keeps on flashing back. I don’t know why.. I’m having a hard time, actually. It feels like, it’s something that I can’t control. Have you guys experienced this? What is it? I’ve been really wanting to visit my Pdoc already to have me checked again. Sighs, I wonder what It is. I actually am suspecting about something, but I don’t want to diagnose myself, and I don’t want to get my Anxiety get in the way.
You know, what I also found weird about me is that, there are times I am stable mentally – like I feel like I’ve moved on and all, then there are times I am not, and when that happens, it’s really c r a z y. My world crashes down. Whenever that happens, I feel like I don’t wanna live anymore.
Anyone can relate? And any thoughts about it? Please do tap me up.
Thanks for reading ’till here. I’ll keep you updated about this when I see my Pdoc.
God bless!
Love, Just.
Photo by Tobe Roberts from Pexels
Just. 